I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
