Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
