Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
