Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wish my penis had a tongue
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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