I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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