Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
