Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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