He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
