i just wanna soil my oats bro
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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