I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
