I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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