thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think people are normalizing furries
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize