he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
