My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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