Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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