If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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