just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
