So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
