already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize