When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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