yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
