It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize