we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
