Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
