matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
