I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
