all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
