I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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