8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
