whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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