So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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