would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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