ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
