You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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