I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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