And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
