like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Im part way to drunk.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
