god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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