if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
