we're blogging at a bar
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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