so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
