i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
