You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
