:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize