Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
