I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
