Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
