this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
