she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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