There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
