no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
