I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
