I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
