God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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