ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize