my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
