My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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