You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
