I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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