He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
