nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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