Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
