All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
