my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
