I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
