Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
