Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize