My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
