Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
