nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
