im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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