cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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