I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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